Flowers on the Floor: Learning to Let Go of Painful Relationships

 

It is amazing how many women are hurting because of the things that a man has done. And, don’t get me wrong. I have not been an exception. We have all been in love with someone who just didn’t seem to appreciate us or recognize our value.

Summer comes with a wide variety of beautiful flowers. There are daisies, black-eyed susans, magnolia blooms, lilies, violets, and baby’s breath just to name a few. These flowers are beautiful, but they become ugly and stink once they have been crushed. When I think of the way we are once someone has hurt us, I think of flowers on the floor. I think of beautiful flowers that have been crushed underneath some uncaring person’s foot. This person did not stop to see the beauty of the flower. He only hurried about his business. And, so many times, he never looks back to see what he has done or who he has hurt. We have cast pearls before swine.

We must learn how to identify swine. We must learn how to get out of the hog pen and move forward. Yes, he may have talked good in the beginning. Maybe he was great in the beginning, but that time has passed. You have lost your value to him. And, no amount of crying or begging will get him to change his mind. So, stop throwing your pearls to him. Stop offering up yourself on his bed on sacrifice thinking that if I just give him more love, more sex, or more money he will love me again. He won’t. He will enjoy the sex. He will use your money. But, he will never see the pearls. He will never realize how much you are giving up just for him.

Yes, one day he may come to himself. But, dear sister, that day is not today. He is no longer your Romeo. He is not your Superman. He is now your abuser. He is verbally abusive. He is emotionally unavailable. He forgets your birthday, anniversary, or other important dates. He would rather hang out with his friends or the new chick he just met. You know the one who is turning him on for the moment. Believe me. It is just for the moment. So, what do you do?

Stop answering his calls or texts. Stop giving him sex whenever he wants it. Move out of his house or put him out of yours. Pick up your pearls~your beautiful flowers~move forward. Give the pain and hurt to God. He can heal you. A real man loves God and is obedient to his word. And, if he loves God, he will treat you like the princess (remember you are a king’s kid) that you are.

Matthew 7: 6

God Is Our CTRL, ALT, Delete

 

CTRL, ALT, Delete

The other day I was working on my desktop computer, and it started to act up. I thought to myself, “Okay, another virus”. I watched the little circle go around, and around, and around. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to purchase a new one right now, and I still had pictures from my photo business saved on it. It is also the one I use to do my printing and pictures. I said, “God, if this thing would just stop long enough for me to savage my photos”.

Then, it came to me. Press CTRL, ALT, Delete. I wondered what that would do, but I followed the prompting in my spirit. I pressed the buttons. The computer instantly stopped doing what it was doing and went back to working as normal. I looked at the computer and realized that God is like the CTRL, ALT, Delete buttons. He is in control even when we aren’t. He knows how to bring things back in line and create order where there is chaos. While we are trying so hard to figure things out, God already has the answer. He knows the ending from the beginning.

I know it is hard sometimes to let God have his way. Well, it is for me. We want to control everything. We want to be in charge of our lives. We think we know what is best for us, but we don’t. We don’t know the things that God knows. He has searched the heart of man. He knows there every thought.

So, stop trying to control everything. Give it to God. He knows how to fix our broken dreams and mend our hurts. He knows how to bring safety and security in the mist of the storms in your life. Trust in him and lean not to your own understanding. Stop staring at the computer screen wondering what to do. Call on God and He will answer you. He will bear you up lest you dash your foot against a rock.

 

Proverbs 3: 5

Psalms 91: 15

Jeremiah 33:3

Isaiah 65:24

Learning How to Submit to God

 

It is my belief that submission and black women don’t easily mix. I say this because I am a black woman, and I know how hard it is to submit. This is especially true for single black women. This submission can be to a man, to God, or to our bosses. It is hard. Why?

Submission means to surrender our will to the authority of another. It means giving up what we want to do the will of another. And, for some African American women like myself this is so difficult. It is difficult for me because I have been single all my life. As a result, I have had to learn how to think for myself and for my children.  I have had to make all of the hard decision, to go the tire shop and bargain for tires, and to the car lot and try to get a good deal even though I knew the odds were against me. There was no man to do this for me.

So, when you ask an independent woman to lay down all those years of training~to give up doing what she sees as best in order to service God or to be obedient to a husband~you are almost expecting a miracle. But, thank God for miracles.

It has taken me all these years to see that my way is not always right. As God said, His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. He knows what I don’t know and he sees what I don’t see. I have had to remember this when things don’t go my way, when I don’t get the car I want, or the man I believe is just the one for me. I have to remember this when my job is not going as I would like and I think about giving up. I have to remember this instead of running away from the job, the problem, or the circumstance. I have to stop focusing on myself and focus on God and his wisdom. He knows the end results. He sees that man’s heart. He knows why I am at the job I am at and why. Nothing happens by accident. All things work toward the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. God knows.

So, I am learning that instead of struggling or having one of my temper tantrums to trust God. I am learning to say “It is okay. I will obey.”

It is my belief that this is the reason God allowed me to be single for so long. In all honesty, if I had married before now, I am sure it would have ended in disaster.  I had to learn to trust people. I had to learn to stop reacting negatively to situations and trying to make things work according to my own will. I had to realize that there is a higher power.

Although it is often difficult, I am learning to submit to God. I am learning to stop trying to be so independent and learn to depend on God.

Hungry Again

 

I can remember being sick a few weeks before school was out for the summer. I had a headache and felt dizzy. I later realized that I had waited too long to eat. I had a hungry headache, and believe me, it wasn’t a good feeling. When I finally did eat, I couldn’t seem to get full. I ate, went to bed, and woke during the night hungry. I nibbled on crackers and went back to bed again. When I got up the next morning, I was still starving. After a few hours and some breakfast, this finally wore off. Strange, huh? But, what does this have to do with God?

So often we hunger for God, but we don’t recognize that hunger. We know we need something, but we just don’t know what. We think we need another drink…another car…a new house…to have another affair…to find a new man or woman. We don’t realize that what we are longing for is God. We are not longing for financial things or physical relief. We are longing to be held in God’s loving arms. We need a closer relationship with him. Things will never be able to fill that void. That is why after we have had that drink, we are still thirst. After that affair or midnight rendezvous, we are still lonely. We need a closer relationship with Jesus. So, yes, we are hungry again after we have over-eat and over-indulged. Things and people can never replace God.

And, yes, I am guilty too. I am guilty of trying to satisfy a spiritual need with a physical one. Earlier in my walk with God, I did not know how to recognize this longing for what it really was. I thank God that now I am able to realize that I need him. I need God. Just as Jesus explained to the woman at the well, He has living water and if you drink of it, you will never thirst again.

The woman at the well: John 4: 7-30

Out of your belly: John 7: 38

Get Out of the Hog Pen!

One of my favorite stories from the Bible is the one about the Prodigal Son. He is the young man who asked his father for all of the inheritance that he was to get, and then left home. He went out and wasted his money on riotous living~basically, he partied all of his time and money away. When he got completely broke and without friends or food, he found himself in the hog pen feeding hogs. It was then that he realized how far from grace he had fallen. He gets up and heads back home to his father.

There are times in my life when I feel so close to God. I love him and I can feel his unconditional love for me. My heart is just overjoyed. I begin to think that there is nothing that can separate us. Then, I continue living. Then, I run into a bump in the road. I find myself lured into places I shouldn’t be. I fall down. I discover myself in the hog pen.

I become angry with myself for having made stupid mistakes~for yielding to temptation. Hey, don’t judge. God saw you when you ate that piece of chocolate cake when you were supposed to be on a diet.

It is then that I come to myself. I look around and realize that I am in the hog pen. I have wandered off from my Father’s house. I am no longer at the palace. I am in mud. It is at that moment that I cry out to my Father to forgive me and save me. I confess my sins. I crawl out of the hog pen. I spray myself off, change my clothes, and return to my Father.

My God is just to forgive us. He is willing and able to restore us unto him. So, if you find yourself in the hog pen~if you have fallen down, don’t just stay there and wallow in the mess. Get up. Ask for forgiven and head back to the palace.

As the songwriter said, “A saint is just a sinner who fall down and got up.”

Luke 15: 11-32                                                                                    Joel 2: 25

Did You Forget the Miracles in Egypt?

Don't Go Back to Egypt

It is amazing how soon we forget the goodness of our God. He performs miracles for us daily, but in our selfishness, we don’t appreciate them. All we can see is what we don’t have or what we didn’t get. Like the children of Israel, we begin to long to return to our captivity. We wonder where the figs, the pomegranates, the leeks, and vines are. We beg to go back to the place we are familiar with. We forget the cruelty of our old slave masters.

No, we didn’t have literal masters like the children of Israel. However, we have old masters: drug addicts, alcoholism, foul language, filthy minds, illicit affairs, and other sexual sins. These things gave us quick but temporary relieve. We have forgotten the miracles in Egypt. We forget that God split the Red Sea. We forget that we were actually slaves to our old habits. We forget how we cried out to God to save us. Now, when we hit a few rough bumps in our Christian walk, we want to run back out into the world. We grumble and complain.

Yes, I am guilty of this. There have been times when I looked longingly back on my old life. I remembered all the fun but forgot all the pain and hurt of my past. I forgot how long it took me to get up from the hog pin. As I have matured as a Christian, I realize how foolish this is. When I truly think about it, I realize I don’t want to go back to Egypt. I no longer want to be a slave to past desires.

Instead of complaining because I haven’t received my blessing yet, I need to be patient. I need to remember the miracles that I saw in my Egypt.  My God is able to supply all of my needs.

Numbers 20: 1-5

Philippians 4: 19

Recognizing God's Blessings

 

It is so amazing how we miss our blessings because we are looking for something else. I have a guy friend who is thinking about settling down. He has been dating his current girlfriend for a number of years, and he feels that it is time to make a commitment. But-there is almost always a “but”-there is a problem. He is not sure that she is the one. Yes, he loves her. Yes, he enjoys her company. However, there is this little gnawing feeling on the inside. What is it?

It is the voice of God. This “feeling” he is having is the Lord trying to tell him that she is not the right woman for him. I can see it. And, so can our other friends. He has just convinced himself that his girl must be the one. Besides, she has been with him all these years. Right?

What he has failed to realize is that God has already answered his prayer for a wife. It is not in the woman he seems so determined to place himself with. He recent met a nice, young lady. This lady is pretty, smart, and shares a lot of the same interests as him. He is very attracted to her. She is very attracted to him. The young lady has confessed to him how she feels and indicated that she would like to explore a relationship with him. My friend has admitted to the young lady and to me that he feels drawn to her. She is a Christian and so is he. However, because he has spent years dating the first lady, he feels obligated to stay with her. I love my friend and fear that he will miss his blessing.

I remember one of T.D. Jake’s sermons where he talked about when we ask God for oak trees sometimes he gives us an acorn. He went on to explain that often we are too blind to realize that the oak tree is nesting inside the acorn. So, we miss the blessing. We don’t realize that God has already answered.

How often have we prayed for a job and yet turned down jobs because they were what we felt we deserved? Did we not realize that God sent us a job? However, it was not the job we wanted. How many times have we asked God to bless us with a new car but didn’t like the one he allowed us to have?

I am single. But, don’t fool yourself; I have been in serious relationships. I hear women all the time complain about not being able to find a good man. I haven’t had that problem. I have had good men. The problem was me. I was not good to them. They were “too nice” or “just not my type”. How often did I leave behind men who would have been good to me? Since I have learned to walk closer with God I realize that I missed a lot of my blessings looking for what I thought was the ideal man.

I pray my friend doesn’t miss an opportunity. Yes, his current girlfriend will probably be a decent wife~if he marries her. But, how much better suited is this beautiful young lady? How much happier would he be if he would open his heart and listen to the voice of God!

Let us not despise the day of small beginnings. Let us learn to listen to the small, still voice of God. Let us recognize our true blessings when they come. Let us know when God has answered.

Zechariah 4:10

For who has despised the day of small things? But these seven will be glad when they see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel-- these are the eyes of the LORD which range to and fro throughout the earth."

 

Jeremiah 5:21
Hear this, you foolish and senseless people, who have eyes but do not see, who have ears but do not hear:

Ezekiel 12:2
"Son of man, you are living among a rebellious people. They have eyes to see but do not see and ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people.

Mark 4:12
so that, "'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!'"